Occlumency
A few weeks ago, a woman celebrated her 100th birthday. Yesterday, the newspaper published a story about her life and adventures, noting sadly that her husband had died decades ago, but that she continues to be active and social. Unfortunately, between the celebrations and the publication of the story, she had fallen and died due to the effect of the resulting injuries.
People who didn’t know her and who have no further knowledge of the situation will share, like, and comment on the story across social media. Taking into their day a little light without ever being aware that the vibrant life highlighted in the present tense belongs to the past.
When the media, news publications, or media “personalities” make mistakes, often inflammatory and tied to a particular agenda, those errant sparks trigger a wildfire that no retraction or apology can extinguish. The people who took ignition from the first will simply burn away, believing still that the centenarian lives. This is a remarkably powerful advantage for those who have no qualms about activating a rhetorical bomb without regard for reality.
In the world of Harry Potter, where powerful, unscrupulous wizards can read one’s mind and memories through legilimency, it becomes vital for Harry to develop his skill in occlumency. Occlumency is effectively a security system for the mind, acting as a barrier against would-be intrusions. Though profoundly less magical, occlumency of a sort is an integral part of our psychological experience, and the consequences can be beneficial, or, indeed quite harmful.
In the case of a careless conflagration, it is harmful because it produces a tension between real life and an individual’s perception of it. It is painful to be confronted with inaccuracies in things that conform to or support our worldview and identity. The more strongly held and fundamental to our sense of self, the greater the rift and the more extreme our willingness to simply ignore it. In current politics and social media culture, this has facilitated the rise of aggressive dishonesty, as people simply assert that they haven’t done or said something which they clearly have. Shouting mantric epithets into the abyss where decency used to be, it becomes believable to some that I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING NO QUID PRO QUO.
Our minds practice occlumency against our own legilimency to shield us from trauma. It’s why I and so many others I know have broad gaps in memory, and difficulties with short-term memory. Let alone the flaws in understanding of memory and the memories we are able to access. Occasionally, we may recall some thing long forgotten, and it’s something we can process, or even something positive. But better not to wake the sleeping dragons that have been so deeply buried that they no longer exist as part of our experience. That is, unless and until properly supported by appropriate mental health professionals and trauma specialists.
Once, in some span of my years that I could approximate, I saw a woman hit by a truck at high speed on a major road. We were at a Chinese restaurant and I hated Chinese food. My seat faced the window overlooking the street. There is nothing in my recollection but for impact. Things that I picture are physical impossibilities so I know they are untrue. A few weeks later, there was a story in the newspaper saying she had lived. Had she?
Less helpful is the tendency to allow the free flow of negative thoughts and emotions, codifying them as the law that governs our inner life rather than as just part of the story. I (and, I assume, many others) struggle to accept things which are overtly positive and certainly forget them much more quickly than the negative. Perhaps even more perplexing and deleterious, it is all too easy to fail to note very good things, or to appreciate just how wonderful some of them are. It may be a quirk of evolutionary biology that we prioritise negative information as a survival mechanism, but the effects are damaging.
I forget, for example, that I used to write music (not songs) that was actually quite good. Life and the labour market dropped me off the side of my intended career path, and I have internalised it as me not being good enough. The music is not the problem, though, as I am reminded on the rare occasion that I can bear listening to those works. It is technically adept, sonically inventive, and emotionally effective. To have been able to write, and to have written some of those things should be a source of tremendous pride. But that entire arc of my life has been discarded as failure. I lacked the resources, and surely some of the other non-musical repertoire required to navigate that course. But the music was not the problem.
Moreover, some of that music holds a special place in people’s hearts. One of my songs was someone’s first dance. There is all of this goodness that my brain blocks out. Through the magic of the internets, I am able to have passing exchanges with one of my favourite songwriters and the writer of perhaps the best TV show I have ever watched. Once, I was Darth Vader’s PA.
We bring all of this baggage and well-practiced occlumency into our relationships with others, because we’re wary of being unacceptable for who we are, or because we’ve been hurt and have become mental masons, erecting psychic walls as a reaction. The purest, most validating, and soul restoring relationships are those where such barriers don’t exist. Boundaries are important, but barriers are obstructive. I am striving toward an occlumency-free framework for friendship. Because I think we’re all worthy of love, and that we could all do with letting the light in instead of trying to keep the darkness out.
